every time i see someone i havent seen in a few months, or more, i am presented with this question: "what have you been up to?!" as much as i would love to flail my arms around and jump into a jubilant long winded description of what my life has been like over the last 6 years, i simply dont know how to do that anymore. i always hoped my life would be "interesting" but i never stopped to think about what "interesting" really means...

i live in the hood. im broke. im in debt. i have the most amazing friends in the world. im surrounded by art and music. i love all of them. i like to cook. there is a ringing in my right ear...im not worried about it. i am building out one of the most amazing spaces i have ever known, and i get to live and work within its walls. i am in love, i am out of love. i am proud of everything we have accompolished but cant help but feel slightly guilty in times of abundance. am i doing enough? im not really worried about it, but i think about it. i unabashedly want more more more... i embrace technology and the chaos it ignites. im not afraid of the future. i feel i owe my friends so much... i fucked up a little here and there. i dont regret any of it. i dont pretend to know what you want. i dont pretend to know that i have figured it out. i dont pay attention to politics. i dont vote. i barely pay my taxes and i dont have insurance. i have not been taking care of my body. i want to be healthy. i want to be "wealthy." i believe the world is about to change DRASTICALLY. i am ready to abandon ship if thats what needs to happen. i am ready to take over if thats what needs to happen. i am NOT ready to get a full time job and feel "cozy." i am beginning to understand. it doesnt matter if you know more than i do, or if i know more than you... i dont even know what that means. im happier than ive ever been and today looks fucking wonderful. everything will fall into place. just like we knew it would.

OH TO BE YOUNG AGAIN...

(says the dead man in the hat...foaming at the mouth, ILLIN on some ILL shit).

OH TO BE YOUNG AGAIN...

(says the girl with green hair, unaware of her origin but sure of where shes going)

OH TO BE YOUNG AGAIN...

(says the nan0scopic self sustaining physical growth retardant)

im sure of it...

There is only one life, ever-changing, ever-evolving. One moment, one chance shared among all. Eternal life is available right now. This generation will make it past the threshold, as all previous generations have had the same opportunity.

All our ancestors are among us. All our ancestors are us.

Past notions of mortality dissolve away into faint memories of tragic addiction to the mundane. Beliefs of necessary duality disappear as all merge into one.

Co-creators of the Sun, rising and falling with the pulse of ritualistic revolving regularity. Universal co-dependence upon manifestation of the spheres, of our solar system.

This time we'll get it. This life, one life.

my new life...

so here i am...

we made the move into what was once known as the DubShack...i am officially moved in but still have some things left behind back at the range...but it feels good to wake up in this:

i finished my room a couple days ago...i have never slept so well...seriously.

now theres the rest of the house.
damn

Its amazing how a boat load of stress can overwhelm the individual.

In relation, its amazing how the simpilest things can dissolve stress.

I found myself constantly trying to work to help ease the stress, but it only compounds as I push past problems that appear out of thin air, as well as problems related to real life.

At some point I break.

I take a walk, ride my bike. And stress be gone. Lots of bike thinking on open road. Open road aside from a few red lights, bikes in Chicago have much freedom (at least for now). I am sure car drivers will complain and WIN so bikes will be impounded if we buzz through stop signs or stop waiting for green.

“hey the bike lanes are wide open”

Passing a line of 30 cars in traffic is a really good feeling! A strong massive feeling that dissolves my problems.

I love it.

Racing along, a pedestrian on wheels. Bike lane open, cars backed up. Red Light no cross traffic means no waiting.

Hey no blinker, share the mother fucking road!

Pedal fast and switch gears, legs tighten.
Low gears before stopping for easy start. Otherwise is super slow and cars will honk.

Watch for the green or honk honk on me.
Cabs drive fast and they never blink.

Wind around my body, pulse raised. Go Go Go, traffic blazed.

I am passionate about my plants, my fish, my bike, my music and my
computer. The bike is my primary mode of transportation. In the
Winter, I use the CTA.

My home is a television-free zone, though some mornings start with NPR.

My bed contains a down comforter, and and smooth faux-silk sheets.

I enjoy art and artists.

I enjoy leaving the city with a tent, a pair of hiking boots and a bag
of food. Excitement exists inside of a tent on hard ground while the
rain is thick.

My coffee is near white, though I prefer Yerba Mate.

I am reading Naked by David Sedaris.

and Laughter is good medicine.